*cackles gleefully* Oh, goody! An excuse to play with Nightmare Pairings again. :D
Examples of how this works: HP Nightmare Pairings (March 2005) and Multifandom Nightmare Pairings (November 2008)
Today's Pledge is for any fandom(s) you want, and crossovers are OK.
e.g. My Nightmare Pairing Pledge for HP & Pride and Prejudice
I, Minerva McTabby, do solemnly swear that my favorite character is Severus Snape and my least favorite character is Mr. Collins. The mere thought of them doing naughty things together makes me whimper. However... given sufficient crack and an infinite number of monkeys, here's how some Snape/Collins smut might happen (though I really, really hope it never does).
Plot device or deus ex machina: Time travel by means of Spell Gone Wrong, I think. When the Dark Lord demands a Tom Collins, Wormtail somehow conjures up a very retro clergyman. Snape is unimpressed.
Who makes the first move: Mr. Collins.
Fearing punishment, Wormtail transforms into a rat and runs. Mr. Collins shrieks loudly and faints into Snape's arms. Snape rolls his eyes and revives Mr. Collins with the help of the perfect Tom Collins he's just brewed. Then another... and another... until the dazed and plastered Mr. Collins mistakes Snape's boots for Lady Catherine's, and starts licking his way up Snape's legs...
Positions and/or kinks: Kneeling. Increasingly purposeful mouth action. Apologizing. Babbling. More mouth action, until Snape resigns himself to receiving a mediocre blow job, just to stop the babbling.
Afterglow: Mr. Collins apologizes some more. Snape smokes a cigarette. Mr. Collins proposes. Snape rolls his eyes again, curses the sordid farce his life has become, and Transfigures Mr. Collins into a newt.
Would I actually read or write this? Probably... yes. *facepalms*
Crossposted from McTabby@DW.