Afterlife!Snape [verse, PG]
Oh, Snape went to the Pearly Gates
But they wouldn't let him in.
They said the Mark upon his arm
Betrayed a life of Sin.

Then Snape went to the Gates of Hell
But they laughed and threw him out.
They told him his Patronus
Placed his evilness in doubt.

Then Snape went to Valhalla:
There was meat and ale and song.
And it was packed with Gryffindors,
So he didn't stay for long.

Then Snape went down to Duat,
Where they tried to weigh his heart.
But his wandless "Leviosa!"
Made the feather fall apart.

Then Snape tried the Grey Havens,
Which was full of bloody elves.
And a sign that read "No Slytherins"
Meant they kept it for themselves.

Then Snape went through the Discworld,
Where his stoppered theory worked.
And a voice said: TAKE THE CORK OUT, NOW!
And the Potions Master smirked.

Then Snape went to the River Styx
Where they asked him for two Knuts
And he sang "Don't Pay the Ferryman"
And they kicked him in the guts.

So he chose reincarnation...
Just as Harry spilled his seed.
And that's why Albus Severus
Is a special boy indeed.