Welcome to the Summary Suckathon, intrepid writers and readers. :D
The list of who's writing what.
done! ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2)
_hannelore gets rowen_r's summary: Snape dies and comes back as Harry's guardian angle. What happens when Dumbledore and curry paste get involved?
alais gets yourgreeneyes's summary: bel;;latrixks lestrang killd serius blak but harry finds hisself nluv her (like omg!) there hartbraking tail@!11! what happns when rodophuls diskovirs there sekrit love? find out in Hp & the luv of bella l.
done! ari_o gets marksykins's summary: Sometimes you're born a Malfoy, others an animal. What happens when the twain meet? Draco Malfoy, Boy-Who-Lived?! Features murder, mystery, and a puppy! SLASH. R&R,PLS! K, THX.
done! grenzgestalt gets lessthanpie's summary: Melanie Martin wants to know just ONE THING:who is her dad? Sev, Sirius, or Remus? ANd will Harry fall in love w/her b4 its to late? The seer says if he doesn't Voldie will NEVER go away!!1! Fluffy angst.
done! arionrhod gets no_remorse's summary: Hermoine's Darco's ture luv!1 Shes gotten all bouncy over the sumer, he moistly wangst. Hot sex! R/R
done! belovedsnail gets elsajeni_fic's summary: theres a new transfer student she gets put in Revanclaw and now peters in love with her can he safe her from herself??!!!?1? migt be r l8r!!1!
done! bethbethbeth gets tinderblast's summary: Hogwarts has been turned into a giant rollerdisco! B there or B square!!!
done! bowdlerized gets belovedsnail's summary: Snape messes up the wolfsbain potion and Remus turns into a were-velociraptor. hijinx ensue! Luckily Siruis comes back from behind teh veil with a degree in paleontology. Is love in the air? R/R PLZ!~1
done! chowderhead gets lolaraincoat's summary: Nobody understnds Draco he's not a Malfoy but a captured rainbow unicorn with wings! But Luna understands. But his parents secretly hate him and nobody at school knows he is good, underneath.
done! corvidae9 gets hermione_like's summary: Fred and George decide they want to go back to school since they dropped out. What will Ron do when they end up in the same class? Songfic to Avril Lavigne's "Don't Tell Me" R/R!!1
done! thoughtcr1me gets luminousmarble's summary: Voldy is comming, so its time to flea hogwarts. H/Hr/R/L/Ginevra and draco, defecator of slytherin, run! where will they go to? They'll hide out in the Mall of america.........but why is snape chaperoning?
done! dr_jekyl gets naltariel's summary: AU. Draco Malfoy was the girl who lived. what happened when he met Harry, the boy who lived?
done! dragonelle_fics gets leni_jess's summary: Severus is tired of being everyone's tool. He signs up for Evil Overlord classes, and his final project is to outline how he would overcome Voldemort.
done! ellensmithee gets odyssea's summary: OMGWTF! A shpell goes wong and Luscious ends up with Lilliie's babey! James angsts wit Sirious sex! But wose babey is it? Supris ending! Warning: mpreg, slash
done! elsajeni_fic gets ruxi's summary: Love iz in teh hair! LOL, leik 4 REAL! Wut happenz when Dubbledore's hed goz to his OT frind? Srting Hat/Fawks (Fawks dels with old fillings)
done! eponis gets prettypuddle's summary: Harry Potter's looking for love, but all he finds down the back of the settee is spare change, a leaky biro, and ... PROF SNAPE!!! What's he going to do now?
done! eumenides1 gets endofhistory's summary: Lucius finds out about Draco's secret romance with a Gryffindor! What will he do?
done! pushdragon gets slytherinjenn's summary: Harry brings Sirius back to life and asks him about the birds and bees. Sirius obliges with a song and dance number.
done! fernwithy gets theladyfeylene's summary: Alsiria Morgana Bloodwynter is the exotic (and erotic!) knew DADA prof! Severus Snape (sexy potions master), a mysterious letter, and a talking thestral will join her in her adventues! Romace and smut!
done! marksykins gets dragonelle_fics's summary: Hermoines EVIL!!!112 identicle cusin comes 2 hogwartz w/ a magic pink gelpen, and makes HARRY & NEVVILE SOOOO GAY, and stuff hapens. OH & I made Draco into a girl but he alredy is kinda in the books so hahaha.
done! finmagik gets hildigunnur's summary: A pol partee in Grifindor and everybod com. Snapes in speedo?!11 And Slythirin ropes Ginys bikinni. D/G (liek tru luv) kissing.
done! florahart gets x_queenc_x's summary: Hairy is in luv -- with hisself & a gril from the future is teh only one who can saev him... or can she? Plus, Proffessor Luppin is back and has a suprised 4 everyones fav. Potoins Master (that's Snape). R&R!!
done! fluffyllama gets pauraque's summary: is draco really the last of the water nympths? can he live with it? what if his g/f (hermoine) finds out male nymphs bare children? what will luscious say??? the ending will make u cry. mpreg. R&R or else!!!!!!
done! forestgreen gets resqgal's summary: Sev doesnt understand the wierd dreams hes having. Warning: contains slash, that is m/m sex. If you dont like it dont read. No flames! Harry isnt just a wizard anymore.
done! fruce gets ethuil's summary: Hermoine has a new enimy ---- VICTOR KURM!!!!! an he is EVIL. warming rape and nasty horrid stuff. lots of dilt11!!11 r&R plzzzzzzzz. soz if my grammer is bad. r&r!!!1!!1plz.
done! gileonnen gets bethbethbeth's summary: Its Harrys 18th bday and he gets a misterious package. Its a time turner! and he finds ouyt hes his own father?????
greensword gets wired_lizard's summary: Draco Malfoy has a Hair Brush. A Hair Brush of the Gods. A Hair Brush of terrible power. He is the Boy Who Brushed Hair. And when the rest of Hogwarts becomes aware of this Hair Brush
done! gwendolyngrace gets eponis's summary: Siri & Sev are in love but Dubldore says that they are sekrit brothers! Siri trys to suicide himself but Remy stops him cuz Remi is in love too! Who will Siri want? I wrote this cuz my bf broke up, r/r plz!
done! endofhistory gets heinous_bitca's summary: SOMETHING IS VERY RONG AT HOGWARTS! Harry went crazy & killed Ginny! Ron rapped Hermione! And Dumbledor just laffed! Can Draco & the pretty American exchange student Marissa Flewfeather save teh day? PLZ R&R!
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pinkfinity gets siriusstar's summary: Hermione gets plastic surgery in the hope of capturing the heart of a hot 'n sexy Slytherin! Watch Snape and Draco fight for the prize! Betcha can't Guess who wins!
done! heinous_bitca gets fruce's summary: draco is Stunned when he finds Harry already has a Date for the YULE BALL!!! why is dumbledoor so mad? where did Snap disappear to? whats in the punch anyway? contains snogging and crumbled snortax!!!
done! hermione_like gets grenzgestalt's summary: Shed already riped out his heart... now she was coming back for his soul. all Draco wanted was just one word from Minnie Mcgonnigle.... teimturners, broomsticks, and a duel with tom? R&R,peeps, PLEAS?????
done! hildigunnur gets vivien529's summary: Hemrione loves Ron but she thinks she might like Harry to. Then Draco starts hitting on her. Then a US transfer student with witchy eyes changes all that with a flutter. No flames please.
done! verstehen gets finmagik's summary: A sad tale about Remus trying to hold on to what was left of Sirius, even though his friends tell him to drop it. MAJOR ANGST
ignorethesmoke_ gets stiletto's summary: weasely jumpers, and miones curly hair: but whats avril doing there? and whys ginny acting so strage? SONGFIC
illmantrim gets mimbulus's summary: Harry goes to the past but loses the time turner and the cloak. James finds him and "adopts" him as a fifth Marauder. Lily fancies the cute new boy and Snape has a premonition. MY FIRST FIC! PLZ R&R! THX!!!!
impinc gets illmantrim's summary: Dumbledore's Evil Twin! Neville's Mom! harry's Sister! Attack of the Relatives of Doom! Even Voldemort is scared!
done! sideviewhotel gets wiltedwater's summary: Hary Poter has a sister wich he never met befor name Sarah Potter. Hary fals in luv with her and gets her pregnent with his child. Wat's Hary to do? This storie contains het which means that girls like boys.
done! jedi_penguin gets vulgarweed's summary: EponaDarkfire: transfer studnet and an aminagus --HINT: teacha woo luvs her must kill sum11 so he can see her!!WHO?? O& Harry is goth in this&so'sSnape. ANGST!!!and SLASH TOO!! And their are cat peeple
done! marginaliana gets dr_jekyl's summary: Hary's lsot twin sister Serenity tranfsers over from America to teach DADA. Will she defeat Voldiemort, save Dumblydore and win Snape's hart? CHAP 233 NOW UP. PLZ R/R OR ELSE!!11!
done! juliadactyl gets sylvies's summary: Ginny is blossoming intoa sexy woman. 2 people have noticed this. Harry and Mione both notice. Who will conviance Gingin to go to bed w/tehm. SURPRISE ENDING! Not what U expect. R&R Plz.
done! ethuil gets missfaith's summary: What wld happen if Hary Poter and frends went on xchange trip 2 California&had 2 defeat Voldmort's American cozin b4 prom to stop the whol skool dyin?! Read&Revu or u r so gay!1! Thnx
labellerose gets arionrhod's summary: Snape isn't cranky he's horny and decides to lay everyone but they find out and what will happen if someone loves him and he doesn't know will he recip? Slash? Het? Pls Rvw I'm new!
done! ladysorka gets fernwithy's summary: Ever wonder why GINERVA and MINERVA rhyme? Ginny is phophsy girl and the Cub of Lionesses. Molly/McG! F-Preg! And can Harry learn to dance? R'n'R!
done! lallabelle gets ignorethesmoke_'s summary: SiRi n ReMy r in <3 n wormtail findz out taht Jamez iz in <3 wiT Voldie kan they stop him b4 he killz lilly and baby har and his twin sis Harriet??!!!!!!!111
done! leni_jess gets lysrouge's summary: Herry wants Roon. Roon wants Dreko. Drecko wants Herry. Roon is the new Drak Loard. Can Herry defeet him, or will Roon defeet him in bed? And wear does Drecko fit in?
done! lizardlaugh gets melwil's summary: Hermoine and Snaples find a misteryous mistery. Harry and Ronniken have lots of sex. Pls R and R!!!11!!!!!11!!!
done! lolaraincoat gets srichard's summary: OMG why do HAgrid and Hemoine both have frizzy brown hair??!!1111 And who is the mom???!1! R&R!!
done! louiselux gets ntamara's summary: "Come away with me," Snape whispered huskily, muzzling the Boy-Who-Lived's cheek
done! ![[info]](http://l-files.livejournal.net/userhead/487?v=1321864135)
lucie_p gets juliadactyl's summary: Mione catchs Hary and Ron mastebattin to her and decides to help they out but they realy wont Draco and so does she! R&R kthxbye!!1!11!
done! luminousmarble gets wikdsushi's summary: When Sirius Black returned from behind the Veil, he wasn't alone. Now the parasite feeds on the souls of those at Hogwarts. Can they vanquish the Dementor's Ghost in time, or are they doomed to suffer forever?
done! lysrouge gets alais's summary: Ron discovers that the cruciatus curse has nothing on the pain of watching Harry become Slytherin's eager bitch
done! madamotaku gets rane_ab's summary: Fakes is dying.his hair read. Dobby don't agree but doesn't want todie in teh nood. DD comes to his resCew by using his robe and shiting on him. McG is in heat and dives everbody mad. Trelawnys hat dies and Dob
done! mamadeb gets slyth_pansy's summary: Have you ever wondered why Molly and Arthur Weasley have so many children? The answer lies in a terrifying event that occured on their wedding night...
done! melodylemming gets msscribe's summary: Hermione dizcovers that sheez preggers by Dumbledore! How will she break the news to her long time secret lover Draco, and will her crush on Harry finally be reveled when she namez the babey after him?PLZ R&R!
done! melwil gets thoughtcr1me's summary: Harry meets his twin sister and finds out that his dad wasn't James but Sevvy polyjuiced to look like James and Lily was in LUV with Sevvy OMGWTF!! lol too much sugar sorry Please R&R or I hate you forever OMG!
done! merrycontrary gets gwendolyngrace's summary: Be nice and try out a new righter's work. Harry's 7th year and the death eater's are taken over Hogwart's. THey make everyone they're slaves. Suicide fic.
done! midnightbex gets florahart's summary: when harys long lost twin keri shows up at hogwars in nevada her hair is spikey purple. what will serverus say? will hary do it? can maconicle brew the stripper? supprize at the end. and its hp/ss but sexy. r&r
done! mimbulus gets ari_o's summary: Love is the air so all holds there breathes. Mysteerious blisters are everywhore.
missfaith gets gileonnen's summary: hermione meats the gril of her dreams!!111!! but is ginny redy for the brown hared siren?
mordecai gets pinkfinity's summary: The Boy Who Lived turns his emerald green eyes from the Side of the Light to The Dark. What does Mysterious Black have to do with it and exactly who is Harry snogging?
msscribe gets melodylemming's summary: Hermione is stuck between Harry and Ron. He doesn't know which way to go.
done! muffytaj gets tarnationawaits's summary: Hermi1 discovers shes in love. but whose the daddy? Harry and Draco must race against the clock to find out. look for a appearance by the flying snitch! WARNIGN: Slash suspense. Please R&R!11!
done! naltariel gets jedi_penguin's summary: Moor-odders story: Reemus is a lose canon. Will Searus win back his luv, or will he loose him 4eva? Sligh OOC
nicolae gets forestgreen's summary: An accident with a time-turner and Harry Potter goes back in time. Another sorting! But, who is the mysterious boy with the red eyes? Will love overcome hatred? Can Harry cheat destiny? Go read! Plz, R&R!!!!!
done! no_remorse gets chowderhead's summary: nobody knows their was another propecy in the department of misteries. harry goez looking but finds more than he bargened for? u?ll never guess what is is! HINT: it involves an ancient virginity spell!! (SLASH)
done! ntamara gets ellensmithee's summary: Luscious and his husband Haggers have a secret, but the Dork Lard knows. Can Luschus save him and Haggards unborn child? How can American beauty Mysty Starlite help (she's not a Mary Sue, guys, sheesh!)?
done! odyssea gets impinc's summary: Rosalie Jolene Kracker thinks that she will never see him again. She is wrong. (AU, post-OotP, sort of slash, NOT A MARY SUE) Plz R&R
done! papaya gets scarheadboy's summary: Ohmigod! Like, Harry and Draco are totally hot for the new American student - shes the only one for one of them! Who?! I wrote this b/c my best friend said shed luv me 4ever! Please R/R or I will die!!!!
done! pauraque gets snapes_pet's summary: Snaip wants a baby. He wants it wit Hairy but Loopen haves the hips. SLASH, MPREG. R&R,PLS! K, THX.
done! plausive gets teluekh's summary: Lust and murder as Sprout discovers Snape and Flitwick growing pots in her greenhouses
done! prettypuddle gets corvidae9's summary: HaRrY and DraCo (OTP!) rage against their inhibitions and houses. Will love find a way? and why is Luna watching them? fluff/suspence/angst;#1 of a bunch of songfics to the whole Evanesense FALLEN CD!!
done! rane_ab gets lizardlaugh's summary: This is a tail of lust, greed, guns, blood, money and saucery. But does crime really pain? Is it Harry's gallons Draco wants? Or his magical herbal essence? Hermione knows, and Harry must axe her.
done! resqgal gets tarotgoddess's summary: Harry catches a snitch.
done! rowen_r gets mamadeb's summary: Who is teh new girl and and what dose she want with Malfoi? R&R!!!1!!
done! ruxi gets the_gentleman's summary: liek this is teh tail of a ferrochus beast and dumbeldore falls in love with it. he;s evil and maniplating pore Harry. the beast, not dumbeldore. cis dumednbdore's good.
scarheadboy gets merrycontrary's summary: 'Mione is no Mudblood! She's a long lost Pureblood Princess!!! She's gonna the world! But first she must pick her Prince! Her disguising spell is off, so all the boys (& some men too!) are up for the job!
done! seangaffney gets starrysummer's summary: teh hare of voldermort is cuming 2 hogwartz but shez a gryff. not knowign who she iz a slyth thinks she is hott, but itz not drako, its pansy!!!1! origanil plot, r and r plz. kthkx
done! siriusstar gets verstehen's summary: Luna's skirt rides up. Professor Lupin should punish her for not wearing her school robes but something keeps coming up. NC-17! (AAAAH. They're such cute widdle cuddle-wolfies!)
done! slyth_pansy (lady_isabella) gets labellerose's summary: Mysti and Krysti are twins with a secret? BUt how is Draco involved? And why did thier Muggle mother send them to Hogwarts before she died? Read and review pls!
done! slytherinjenn gets madamotaku's summary: ok so in this fic *NO LEMME TELL IT* shup draco #YEH SHUP U ASS# harry butt out #IM NOT HARRY IM RON# sorry u got undies over yer face, r those ginnys? #UM…# *SON U GOT A PANTY ON UR HED!* draco u crack me up!
done! snapes_pet gets bowdlerized's summary: Snape hates Harry right, well what happens 1 day during potion class when harry acidentally makes a soul bonding poition. WARNING FOR SLASH AND NICKENS
done! soawen gets plausive's summary: HP/SS Snape decids he want's tomove to teh country and rise cows wif his luvor harry (who is now 6 foot wif pink hair, like tonks but not tonks ok?) this is really bad i hate it. RAED AND REVUE!!!!!
done! srichard gets nicolae's summary: Lucuis and Arthur have been in love since their sixth year but lucius wouldn't have him after he had the mark s onj him from being punished........how will arthur deal?!??! wrning-- slash! angst. souldbonding
done! starrysummer gets seangaffney's summary: Luna is sucidal and cuts herself, so Harry cheers her with singing. NOT A SONGFIC… 'k, it is really. Kenny Rogers The Gambler. C&C!
done! stiletto gets sideviewhotel's summary: Hermi cumz bak frum holz w/a new frind, Chastitee Hooger, who it gawth. Drayko fells in luv w/Chastitee & Ginnee fells in luv w/Hermi. WaRNiNGZ: Goth!Hermi & OC. FEMMESLASH!11 NOT A MARYSUE! R&R PLZKTHNX <33333
done! sylvies gets lucie_p's summary: Voldimorts dead+Mallfoy is the new darklord, new femalle DADA from the states (definatly not a Marysue!!!!) who really kicks ass!!! Harry+Sevvie must save Moine+Ginny from the deatheater's…plz r&r – u rock!!!!!
done! tarnationawaits gets eumenides1's summary: Lucius Malfoy is quite a man, or is he? What really lurks between Lucius' legs and why is Snape singing karaoke and where is Voldemort's teddy bear? Warnings: threesome, mpreg
tarotgoddess gets vassilissa's summary: Exchange student Manticora PurpleRaven is persecuted at Hogwarts for being a Wiccan, coz it happened to me at my school!
done! teluekh gets midnightbex's summary: The story of a vastly changing Hogwarts from Mrs. Norris' POV. Dumbledore/Dobby R for semi-bestiality.
done! temima gets pushdragon's summary: Draco grows his hair long and starts writing poems. What happens when he accidentally hands one in with his Transfiguration homework? Warning: Snape is a bit OOC.
done! the_gentleman gets greensword's summary: Harrys in luv with Hermyone but shes really in luv with Voldymort! Can she make him love her even though she's a mudblood? Polyjiuce! Veritasyrup! And a cameo by Britny Speers!
done! theladyfeylene gets marginaliana's summary: Luna Luvgood is on a mission in the Forest! But when a Horney Snorkack shows powers no one expected, Luna finds herself soul-bonded to the Ice Prince of Syltherin! Can YOU feel the love tonight? LL/DM 4EVA!!!!
done! tinderblast gets soawen's summary: Tainted by Tom, Ginny greedily goes for guys. Vampired by Voldemort, Snape seeks sweet sesuction. Warnings: slash, broken hearts, penguins
unanon gets louiselux's summary: Harey wake up with wings and hes cute!!
done! vassilissa gets temima's summary: Every Evanscense song with every hawt boi angsting to the lyrics. Mind control, mpreg and naughty language.
done! vivien529 gets ladysorka's summary: OVeR teh sumre hermiown got, like, a new haircut and now. Nsape wats it. wiLL grffdoor loose more pints? Why i'snt semass wearing pants; NO FLAMS OR YUO DEI!!
done! vulgarweed gets fluffyllama's summary: A tale of true love, poetry and cannibalism at Hogwarts. What lurks in the dark kitchens for unwary students? Slash and exploding house elves!!!
done! webbapettigrew gets papaya's summary: Draco starts a band with Crabbe and Goyle as back up dancers. Ginny wants to join, but Draco puts his foot down. No Gryffindors allowed! What is ickle Ginny to do?!1!
done! wikdsushi gets unanon's summary: Hagwarts has a PEEPPING TOM an no one fels safe in teh dorms anymor. But whart hapens when the Peeper pokes his wicked eye into the wrong place?! CAOS!!!LOL! pls r&r, and there's a pony!!2!
done! wiltedwater gets _hannelore's summary: Lasciviousa Lestrange (known as Lasy to her best freinds) is gorgous, bad and a bombshell. What happens with this dark bell falls head over heals for the sexy Serverus Fabio Snape! songfic
wired_lizard gets lallabelle's summary: Mad-Eye Moody loses his eye, it falls down a drain, and he has to go underground to rescue it. He meets an underground princess along the way who helps him in many ways.
done! lessthanpie gets mordecai's summary: Professor Lupin reveals his secret--not the werewolf thing, the part where he's Harry AND Neville's dad!!! Will Harry keep hiding his feeling for his (GASP) FATHER? Will Neville take Remus's last name?! READ!!!
done! x_queenc_x gets muffytaj's summary: Loony is felling thigns he never fell before. but wat does snivells have to do with his growing staff?!?!? & DuMBLY/Voldie?!?! slash!1!! plz be kind, i am ill. v. ill. dying. orfen. oh, & im in the story 2 :)
done! yourgreeneyes gets webbapettigrew's summary: OMG!!!!! Draco's dead and Harry's devistatd. He decides to write his beloved a "going away" letter. Songfic to "Stacy's Mom".
Part 2: summaries done as a free-for-all challenge:
done! arionrhod's summary: Snape isn't cranky he's horny and decides to lay everyone but they find out and what will happen if someone loves him and he doesn't know will he recip? Slash? Het? Pls Rvw I'm new! [written by amanuensis1]
done! forestgreen's summary: An accident with a time-turner and Harry Potter goes back in time. Another sorting! But, who is the mysterious boy with the red eyes? Will love overcome hatred? Can Harry cheat destiny? Go read! Plz, R&R!!!!! [written by amanuensis1]
done! gileonnen's summary: hermione meats the gril of her dreams!!111!! but is ginny redy for the brown hared siren? [drawn by pauraque, written by amanuensis1]
done! pinkfinity's summary: The Boy Who Lived turns his emerald green eyes from the Side of the Light to The Dark. What does Mysterious Black have to do with it and exactly who is Harry snogging? [written by electricandroid]
done! illmantrim's summary: Dumbledore's Evil Twin! Neville's Mom! harry's Sister! Attack of the Relatives of Doom! Even Voldemort is scared! [written by amanuensis1]
done! lallabelle's summary: Mad-Eye Moody loses his eye, it falls down a drain, and he has to go underground to rescue it. He meets an underground princess along the way who helps him in many ways. [written by amanuensis1]
done! louiselux's summary: Harey wake up with wings and hes cute!! [written by tinderblast]
done! melodylemming's summary: Hermione is stuck between Harry and Ron. He doesn't know which way to go. [written by kalieris]
done! melwil's summary: Hermoine and Snaples find a misteryous mistery. Harry and Ronniken have lots of sex. Pls R and R!!!11!!!!!11!!! [written by lysrouge and lizardlaugh]
done! merrycontrary's summary: 'Mione is no Mudblood! She's a long lost Pureblood Princess!!! She's gonna the world! But first she must pick her Prince! Her disguising spell is off, so all the boys (& some men too!) are up for the job! [written by amanuensis1]
done! mimbulus's summary: Harry goes to the past but loses the time turner and the cloak. James finds him and "adopts" him as a fifth Marauder. Lily fancies the cute new boy and Snape has a premonition. MY FIRST FIC! PLZ R&R! THX!!!! [written by amanuensis1]
done! prettypuddle's summary: Harry Potter's looking for love, but all he finds down the back of the settee is spare change, a leaky biro, and ... PROF SNAPE!!! What's he going to do now? [written by rane_ab and eponis]
done! siriusstar's summary: Hermione gets plastic surgery in the hope of capturing the heart of a hot 'n sexy Slytherin! Watch Snape and Draco fight for the prize! Betcha can't Guess who wins! [written by erised1810]
done! stiletto's summary: weasely jumpers, and miones curly hair: but whats avril doing there? and whys ginny acting so strage? SONGFIC [written by amanuensis1]
done! tarotgoddess's summary: Harry catches a snitch. [written by resqgal]
done! vassilissa's summary: Exchange student Manticora PurpleRaven is persecuted at Hogwarts for being a Wiccan, coz it happened to me at my school! [written by soawen and amanuensis1]
done! wired_lizard's summary: Draco Malfoy has a Hair Brush. A Hair Brush of the Gods. A Hair Brush of terrible power. He is the Boy Who Brushed Hair. And when the rest of Hogwarts becomes aware of this Hair Brush [written by bluekivrin]
done! yourgreeneyes's summary: bel;;latrixks lestrang killd serius blak but harry finds hisself nluv her (like omg!) there hartbraking tail@!11! what happns when rodophuls diskovirs there sekrit love? find out in Hp & the luv of bella l. [written by amanuensis1]
You now have 48 hours to write between 100 and 1,000 words based on your assigned summary. Deadline is 12 noon on Monday, Hogwarts time. [What time is it over there now?] Anything still unwritten at that point will be made available as a free-for-all writing experience.
What you do with the summary is entirely up to you. Write a whole ficlet based on it. Write the opening/closing paragraphs of a hypothetical long fic - or give us a cookie from the middle and throw in some Author's Notes to explain the rest of the plot. Or any other option that appeals to you. What you write doesn't have to match the tone of the summary, and it doesn't have to be deliberate badfic.
Post your drabble/fic/whatever in the comments to this post, with the following info:
Title:
Summary: (quote the summary assigned to you)
Summary written by: (name of whoever wrote it)
Rating/warnings:
You're free to post it anywhere else as well, of course.
Blame the Sorting Cat if necessary - and have fun. :) 
enthralled 
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May 29 2004, 11:35:30 UTC 8 years ago
Summary: A sad tale about Remus trying to hold on to what was left of Sirius, even though his friends tell him to drop it. MAJOR ANGST
Summary written by:
Rating/warnings: NC-17, necrophilia, frottage, OOC! R&R PlZ or I WONT RITE MORE!!!1!!!!
Remus could hear them in the background. Whispering, plotting, planning. They wanted to take his precious away! He couldn’t let them! He couldn’t stop, even though he felt chapped and chafed and the smell was getting bad.
This was all he had left of Sirius. He could only manage to bring back the body from behind the Veil. The chewed on, wasted, beautiful body of his old friend. He’d originally searched for a spell to bring Sirius back for Harry. The years separating Remus and Sirius were just too great for them to be mates the way they had at school.
Remus sleeping with Lily, who Sirius found himself crushing on hadn’t helped. And the prank. As if he would ever sleep with Snape! Severus would probably give him fleas!
But the body. The beautiful body. Remus had never realized how beautiful Sirius really was until he was dead.
And now Remus was rubbing against him, hips to hips and the friction was beautiful. There were so many glorious holes!
Oh, he’d never loved Sirius more than he did now.
“This is so disgusting! You’ve got to find the spell he’s under!”
“I don’t think Professor Lupin is under a spell, Ron!”
Now if only they’d shut up and let him get on with fucking his precious.
End.
I couldn't help it. I'm sorry. It was just... too easy.
May 29 2004, 11:47:14 UTC 8 years ago
*facepalms*
Hurrah for the first response! *applause* And eeeeewwwww. :D8 years ago
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May 29 2004, 11:49:16 UTC 8 years ago
Summary: Hermoine's Darco's ture luv!1 Shes gotten all bouncy over the sumer, he moistly wangst. Hot sex! R/R
Summary written by:
Rating/Warning: Look at the summary, isn't that warning enough? Er... PG with pretensions to NC-17.
Note: Thanks to
Hemrione Ganger wuz diffrent when she cum bak to Hosgwartz taht yer, everbuddy notice, expecishully Darco Malfoy. It wuz liek she sudden got gnormous boobies ova summah, and her hair wuz blonish-gawld not frissy at all and her shkirt wuz up to THERE and wehn Darco saw her he went to the slyth bathrom and had to wangst hisself becuz she was so effing HAWT.
Wel, he thawt, brething hard, I hav to maek her notis me, becuz that saw so hawt damn.
Hemrionme, she saw Darco get all embarass and brethe hard when she was arund and she gots her huge brown orbs blinking at him. Oh, Darco, she brethe hawt and wet in his ear and likcd it with her long tong. You want me, rihgt? Oh, want you, she moned, and bounzed up on teh bed in the Head Girl's room (cuz she wuz HG, Right? >_< Head girl git it? HA!) and moned more. Darco, Darco, taek me!
Darco was evil, not stoopid, so he jumps hisself up on the bed and mones too oh hermie, hermy, and then teh HAW SEXT0R0Z came then! w00t! and it wuz hawt!
And Hemrie lok at Darco and wuz Gawd, now I'm pergnant! You got to merry me! And Darco wuz Shit no! I'm gonna wangst insted you were okay but nawt ALL THAT and a mudblod!
So Hemrinone cried (Gawd, I'm bawling too!) and she cut hersself and bled on teh flor and Ron finds her and he bawls too cuz she died.
I forget to say this wuz angzt-fic. K? Rvue and I wil wrte a squel!!!!
May 29 2004, 11:53:03 UTC 8 years ago
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May 29 2004, 12:10:45 UTC 8 years ago
I am so, so sorry.
Title: Who’s Your Daddy?Summary: Hermi1 discovers shes in love. but whose the daddy? Harry and Draco must race against the clock to find out. look for a appearance by the flying snitch! WARNIGN: Slash suspense. Please R&R!11!
Summary Written by:
Notes and Warnings A/N hi this is my very firstfic so be gentle and no flaming ok??? i want lots andf lots of reviews. this is rated pg-13 for some naughty things ~^~giggle~^~ anyway, go ahead and read the fic and review NICE ONLY it’s a romance so yay fluffy fluffy with a twist at the end. more chappies to com if yu reivw!!!!
“I’m pregnant!” Hermione blurted out, crying into her hands.
“WHAT!?!” harry shouted, breaking the rule of only have on punctuation mark.
“WHAT!?!” draco shouted, also breaking this rule.
“NANI?!?” muffy shouted (tee hee. draco muse: Oh shut up muffy, it’s just not funny. muffy: ~^~pouts~^~ draco: awww ~^~kisses her~^~ muffy: ~^~YEY~^~) breaking the rules of good taste.
“KILL IT!” draco shouted. “NO!” harry shouted, breaking the rule of starting a new line for a new person speaking, “YOU CAN’T KILL MY BABY!” “WHO SAYS ITS YOURS?!? draco screamed back at him, getting right in his face, breaking many rules as he did so. (A/N, hes getting realli close, will they kiss?? review and tell me if they should!!1!)
“hermi, (A/N haha, no kissing for YOU today!!) the babies mine, isn’t it?” harry said, l00king over drakies shoulder and breaking more grammar rules.
“well, whoever wins in this race will be the father and have my love foervewr! (a/n aaaaaaw).” hermo said, tears sparkling in her gorgeus brown eyes that both harry and draco felt they could melt into, along with her big boobies. her sweet scent of cinimon and apples tied themselves around them, and so they felt it become them.
“that’s right.” pipped up the Flying Snitch (A/N Whose not a mary-sue so don’t yell at me. HE HAS FLAWS PPL, HE HAS FLAWS!). “now, when I spontaneously combust, you’re to both run as fast as you can. if either of you win, then you find out it’s your baby. if the clock wins, you have to watch it rape ‘mione.” (A/N OMG, rape fics are sooooooo hot. But not raping people, k, so now flames, kk??)
BOOM went the Flying Snitch (A/N their, hes dead now, ok?? NOW STOP FLAMIGN ME!! tho he may come back ~^~giggles~^~ let me now in ur review if u want him bakc!!)
so harry and draco ran and rand and rad and ran as fast as they could. and hermi cheered them on. harri and drakie-poo (draco muse: don’t call me that!!!! muffy ~^~evil giggle~^~) where neck-to-neck!!!!!!1 the finishing line lomed up ahead, and they were cuming fast!!!!!!!! HORRAY! THE LINE IS OVER!
“YAYAYAYAYA!” hermio shouted, jumping up and down. “AND THE WINNER IS ---“
A/N ahahaa, I’m evil I know I know. R & r & let me know who u want to win! im not very good at theis and I won’t write any more until I get at least 20 reviews!!!11!! SO REVIERW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 29 2004, 12:24:09 UTC 8 years ago
Re: I am so, so sorry.
If I review 20 times, would that convince you never, ever to write another chapter of this? :D8 years ago
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May 29 2004, 12:50:23 UTC 8 years ago
Part 1 of 2
When Sirius Black returned from behind the Veil, he wasn't alone. Now the parasite feeds on the souls of those at Hogwarts. Can they vanquish the Dementor's Ghost in time, or are they doomed to suffer forever?
____________________________________
The Department of the Mysteries was silent.
Dead silent.
Silent as the grave.
Or the Veil.
Well, whispery like the veil. If an Unspeakable had been hovering about a certain room, he (or she, or anyone whose name is not to be spoken, like certain Evil Overlords) might have heard a macabre litany.
Elementary and reticulate bodies, disulfide bonds, and phagosomes, oh my! Elementary and reticulate bodies, disulfide bonds, and phagosomes, oh my! Elementary and reticulate bodies, disulfide bonds, and phagosomes, oh my!
The unmentionable, mysterious watcher would have seen the veil attach itself firmly to the sides of its frame and the floor. They would have marveled at the way it wrinkled and twisted like Mick Jagger's mouth.
...And spit Sirius Black right back out.
***
The first thing Sirius did was his godson. He followed that up with a snarkmenage of Moony and that greasy git, another who mustn't be given a name. A visit to Dumbledore's office gave him Filch, Peeves, and the magically endowed headmaster himself.
It might have stopped there, but the Order was still using Grimmauld Place for operations. Sirius enjoyed getting reacquainted with all seven Weasleys in residence. "Near death experiences make you hor...realize how much you have to live for," he explained, before giving his trademark puppy-eyed expression a whirl.
Someone might have told him that Molly didn't have a jizzillion children because she was overly fertile--she had so many children because even wizarding birth control was only about as effective as correctly applied Muggle methods. When you 'had relations' as often as Molly did, the odds won out. Her proclivities were unmatched by few outside her family; within, she was somewhat on the dull side.
***
May 30 2004, 00:44:23 UTC 8 years ago
Re: Part 1 of 2
Omg :D This amuses me far too much.Dead silent.
Silent as the grave.
Or the Veil.
*laughs*
Elementary and reticulate bodies, disulfide bonds, and phagosomes, oh my! Elementary and reticulate bodies, disulfide bonds, and phagosomes, oh my! Elementary and reticulate bodies, disulfide bonds, and phagosomes, oh my!
And
The first thing Sirius did was his godson.
*snickers* I should've seen that last one coming, but I'm too tired to predict sentences right now. Thank you for cheering up my night!
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May 29 2004, 12:50:29 UTC 8 years ago
Part 2 of 2
Madam Pomfrey frowned at the whole of the Gryffindor sixth years waiting in the corridor. "Come in," she said, beckoning them into the Great Hall (which was serving as the school infirmary, at the moment). "You're the last of the holdouts. Tell me how you feel."Lavender Brown wailed, "When I go to the loo, it feels like I'm pissing needles!" Parvati nodded and clamped a hand tightly over her aching stomach while Hermione scratched surreptitiously.
"I'm having trouble seeing," Seamus said. His best friend, Dean, pulled his shirt down to cover the strange stains on his trousers.
Neville shrugged. He didn't seem to have any symptoms.
Harry decided not to beat around the bush that was bothering him. "My cock feels like it's been dipped in hot sauce and lit on fire."
"And my throat hurts," Ron added.
Madam Pomfrey shook her head sadly. "We have several beds open, but if you have family that can take care of you, I suggest you withdraw from Hogwarts."
Hermione let out a gasp of disbelief. "But...but, it's only chlamydia, isn't it? There are Muggle medicines for--"
"Not for the wizarding kind," Madam Pomfrey broke in. "This kind has a special name. The Dementor's Ghost." She uttered the last in a frightened whisper.
"Why?" Hermione persisted.
Madam Pomfrey looked around to make sure no one was listening. "Because when you die, the parasite lives on! No matter how far you run, it just keeps on coming in retribution for yours. You'll never escape, not even in the afterlife."
"THERE HAS TO BE A WAY TO DEFEAT IT," Harry raged. "I'M NOT GOING TO DIE FROM A MAGICALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE! I'M GOING TO DIE
BEING SHAGGED TO DEATH BY BELLATRIX LESTRANGEDEFEATING VOLDEMORT!"Everyone rounded on Harry. "What?" he asked. "Like you wouldn't be ANGRY if you were going to die the last way."
"Yeah," said Ron, "but if you were looking for a method to kill someone good and dead, and ensure that they wouldn't be able to rise again, not matter what..." He cleared his throat. "They'd never have the strength."
***
Blame it on the Gryffindors, brave souls. Terrible at plans, in general. Miserable immune systems.
But they went down in history for one great moment, for one perfect deed, for going out with a whole bunch of banging: Masked and robed, they were responsible for organizing the first--and last--Death Eater orgy.
May 29 2004, 13:10:56 UTC 8 years ago
Re: Part 2 of 2
That. Was. HILARIOUS.8 years ago
May 29 2004, 13:13:47 UTC 8 years ago
Summary: What wld happen if Hary Poter and frends went on xchange trip 2 California&had 2 defeat Voldmort's American cozin b4 prom to stop the whol skool dyin?! Read&Revu or u r so gay!1! Thnx
Summary written by:
Rating/warnings: Severe warning for t00biness. May take some time to translate.
A/n: Heyyy!!!!! My name is jupterlamnet and i relly really luve Hary Poter!!!!11!Thes is like,, my first fci an i fink its q god bt cause i is englsh i doesnt knbowe bout america.but I luvs hary sooooooo much i waws lik, mst wite fic!111!!? u knjow??soooooo anyways ere is stry. R&RRR!!!!!!!!! or ill send licuous after u!!Soz its nt v long.
won day hary Poter wuz bord.so e wento america cause it wuz way mor cooler.wen e wuz there e met teh princes Amidela an she wuz like “omgz hary ur so hot” an he wuz like “omgsz amidelia ur 2!!?!?!” so tey hed sex.den hary was lik “fcukme amidelai!” an she sed “yeh, i ded!” den dey bot lafed.bt hary wuz tryin 2 b muredred by voldmert’s cozin otwise teh wol skoll wld dye!!!”!11so he sed 2 ron wesley,”omg rOn we mst kil voldmors cozin!”but ron wuz lovin hermoine so he wuz bsy w/ hr. so hry hd 2 ask Amidelia 3 help an she sed “of coruse hary, I LUVS U!” an ten he sed “omggggg AMIDLEA I LUVS U2!!!!”bt she didnt lik u2 cuz she fort bono wuz idiot so she killed hary with the luv of her mom arwenn an ten seh kild voldmorts cozin w/ hre one tumb.an dten amidela an hr mom had hawtmonkysex an ron&hermone joned in.
heeheehehehee wuz gret twest at end no!!?!??! r&R&R&R&R&R&&R&Rplzzz iwill nt writ mur wiv ot lozza reveiws.
May 29 2004, 15:00:34 UTC 8 years ago
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May 29 2004, 13:39:28 UTC 8 years ago
Summary: nobody knows their was another propecy in the department of misteries. harry goez looking but finds more than he bargened for? u?ll never guess what is is! HINT: it involves an ancient virginity spell!! (SLASH)
Summary written by:
Rating/Warning:
GR, because every1 will read it for the sex! Oh and I better warn you: this is a seriously messed up badfic.Dedicated in love and unctuous adoration to: BabyMimi, you are my hero.
FERVENCY TO FLAME GLORY
Harry Potter were at his room in Gryffindortower. "Oh, I miss Serious Black badly." Harry morosely sniffled. "Let's go looking into the Mysteries Department to look for him." Harry unctuously cried.
And then Harry went with his broomstick really fast to the Ministry of Witches to find Sirius Black. And as Harry walked, Harry thought and gladdened. "Look there is another prophecy!" And Harry read the new prohecy dutifully: "It's a ancient virginity spell!" Harry undulated while ressurecting Serious using the power of the virgin. Harry had very straight teeth but Harrys hair looked like a cactus and wasn't very pretty. And Harry wears glasses and glasses are geeky. But handsome Serious enclipsed Harry in embrasure and Luscious Black chanted. "Harry, mine loves for you are many and strong and effulgent like a volcano exploding on a crystal moon."
Harry joyfully cried: "Serious, I love you."
"Cool." Sirius indolents.
Ron cried with tremor like a vulcano on an island with no palms. "But Serious don't you remember our love."
"But we sullied our love with carnal relations." announces Serious with flowers in his mouth. "I am repented and now love Harry in pureness forever."
ROn cried like a crybaby that is like a waterfall in an ocean of deep and profound sadness.
Now Harry was sad too. "But our love is not always be to be pure, handsome Sirius." Harry enquired thwartedly.
Sirious miscalculated the deepnees of the love of Harry and granted relief to Harry: "My love is pure and for always."
"Wanna get MARRIED?" Harry spoke fast like a waterfall moonray.
"Yes." Ron relished suddenly loving Harry.
"Cool." Harry replied in his eyes tears of gladness gleaming like pretty sparkled moonshined lake. Ron wears a tie and took Harry hand and then Harry and Ron jump on the Lightning Bolt 2001 (a/n sorry, but i cannot remember every silly detail!) and then Ron's carnal resolutions were absoluted by a priest or so and Harry and Ron got joined in Holy Matrimoney and they lived happily.
Serious met Draco.
Draco was headboy with Hermoine. Hermione had hair that was wavy like a spring out of volcano rock. Hermione wasn't very pretty. Hermione was jealous like hot lava from a vulcano that Ginny was prettier. Ginny's hair was like a lava waterfall. Hermione uttered a spell darkly: "Hairibus stealibus." Now Hermione has pretty hair as Ginny. Hermione was pretty now. Ginny's hair was now like cold lava and wasn't pretty anymore. Ginny begged "Neville are you still loving me." Neville unctuously replied with his eyes as silken as silk on a moonbeam: "Ginny Trevor will love you forever and Trevor's heart is my heart." Ginny sobbed large tears of unfettered joy.
Draco met Serious after tearing off the hair pretty Hermione stole. Now Serious's eyes are like big shiny red pools of lava. "This is sad." Serious lamented. Draco's gray eyes of moonrays shined with adoration. "Your eyes are like the beautiful red of Voldemort." Draco cried overjoyed.
And then they marry to and Serious pregnanced and they have many gray-haired children.
teh end
May 29 2004, 13:54:14 UTC 8 years ago
Oh, thank God.
*weeps*
*g*
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May 29 2004, 14:08:59 UTC 8 years ago
Monistat Three is the Band for Me
A/N: If anyone on this thread is named "Christina," I'm SOOO sorry.
The premiere of Malfoy's new band, Monistat Three, was a turning point in Ginny's life, in more ways than one.
Having always secretly worshipped Draco from afar she was happy for the chance to squeal over him like the hundred or so other rabied fangirls when he performed the song Pistol Whippin' Easter Bunnies on Crack with his constant sidekicks, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle. A/N Hi, Heather, Kellie, Ashleigh, and Teena! I told you I'd get you into the story, 'k? Cause your the fangirls, get it? And you can slap Drakkie's ass as much as you want and grab his boner too if you want to…SQUEE!!!!! I heart you all! Except you, Christina, you're a fat bitch and those pants you wore today in math made you look preggers!.
Crabbe and Goyle moved together like fish in water, suggestively trusting their hips forward and twirling the tassles on the pasties covering their man-boobs. This elicited a squeal of delight from the girls in the audience and so, clearly enjoying the lime light, both boys turned around and gave the girls a real treat. each shook their gigantic, thong-covered asses. (A/N Class of 2008 RULZ!) Their blubbery stomachs moved about hypnotically, like oversized lava lamps.
"I always knew that someday Crabbe and Goyle would find their true calling," said Ginny as she watched eager concert-goers fortunate enough to have front row tickets take turns slapping the boy's asses (A/N That was for you, Christina. You sick pervert you'd do it with hagrid and the hiipogrit at the same time). "Who would have guessed it would have been this?"
"I know," Hermione said, catching a bit more of Goyle's naughty bits than she would have liked and wondering where he'd bought his outlandish skivvies (I wonder if Hagrid would like to see me in those? she thought.)
"I want to be in the band," Ginny said. "I wonder if Draco will let me?" So she asked him after the concert, but he just put his foot down and said "no. You're a Gryph and you suck, so no."
"But what it I take my clothes off?" (Ha ha Christine, just like you, because you take it off for everyone, even Principal DeRosier, I saw the picturs on the internet, your sick).
"You have to so it writh Crabbe and Goyle at the same time," Draco said. "Then mebbe I'll think about it."
"But their cocks are kind of big," Ginny protracted (A/N This was in my vocab list this week and I thought I'd try it). "What if they don't fit in there? Because I've got a small hole, you know." a/n unlike fucking Christina whose got a hole like the grand Kanyon, I swear to God she's so fat)
"Well, if you’re a virgin it will stretch. Come on do you want to be in Monistat Three or not? Because I can always get Snap to join. He's prettier than you are and has nicer legs."
"OK, OK," Ginny said. "Come on over, boys," she beckoned to the two lard balls. "Free lunch." (Christine=free lunch, she stole my boyfriend, did you know he has gonarear, fuckwad?!)
Goyle and Crabbe grunted and thrust and Ginny moned loud and couldn't figure out why Crabbe wanted her in the front and Goyle wanted her in the back but suddenly she felt sort of full not like she had a lot for lunch either, I mean the different kind of full like sex. (an My english teacher told me that was normal but I don't know why I was burning afterwards. I 'll ask my dad.)
"Wow," Draco ejaculated (EJACULATED!!!! OMG, Teena, I used it just like in the book O-o!) "That was sum hot sex just there. You can be in my group anytime," Ginny.
And they all lived happily ever after (except Christine, I hate that bitch. She's like a bus, men just get on and off her all day. Fuck that slut).
May 29 2004, 15:05:56 UTC 8 years ago
Re: Monistat Three is the Band for Me
Their blubbery stomachs moved about hypnotically, like oversized lava lamps.*GUFFAW!*
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May 29 2004, 14:44:53 UTC 8 years ago
Fic: Test 35 (Part 1/2)
Title: Test 35Summary: Sev doesnt understand the wierd dreams hes having. Warning: contains slash, that is m/m sex. If you dont like it dont read. No flames! Harry isnt just a wizard anymore. (written by
Rating: R
A/N: Not betaed and please R&R!!!!
Severus runs frantically towards Hogwarts. He can feel his own heartbeat, pounding uncontrollably in his ear. He stumbles down and stands up again, ignoring the searing pain in his ankle. The howls are coming nearer. He's sure that if he turns his head he will be able to see their hungry, yellow eyes, glowing in the darkness of the forest. He knows he won't escape alive this time.
He trips over a root and falls to the ground again. When he looks up the werewolves are there, all around him, not one or two, but the whole pack. There must be at least fifteen of them, if not more. Severus lies there, terrified, unable to move. The leader of the pack approaches him and Severus' hand twitches trying to conjure his wand. Only his wand is not there; he lost it a long time ago.
The wolf is now over him and he feels its putrid breath, hot and wet against his face. His stomach lurches with fear and disgust as the cold snout brushes his neck. He closes his eyes, awaiting the lethal bite.
'What is it, Snape? Aren't you going to fight?' an amused voice asks.
Severus opens his eyes surprised. He would recognise that voice anywhere. 'Potter!' he says, anger starting to overshadow his fear. The boy is standing naked on top of him. His eyes are yellow instead of green and even in the pale light of the full moon Severus can see the trickles of blood and spit running down his mouth. 'How? The full moon is still...'
Potter's arrogant laugher stops him. 'Did you really expect me to be just a common werewolf, Snape? I'm special. I will always be special, even in this,' he says, licking the side of Severus' face, smearing his cheek with blood.
'Get off,' Severus says, pushing him away, but Potter doesn't move. One of hairy hands pins him down with ease while the other trails up and down Severus' neck. The sharp claw-like nails graze his skin, making him shudder. Severus stays utterly still.
'Do you want to become a member of my pack, Snape?'
'No,' Severus says in a choked voice.
'I thought as much,' Potter says, laughing cruelly. 'I'm going to fuck you, Snape, and you are going to let me. You're going to spread your legs for me like a wanton whore and beg me to do it. If you fight me I will have to fight back, and you never know what could happen. I could accidentally bite you,' he says, nibbling softly at Severus' earlobe. A warning. 'Or my claws could reap you apart,' Potter continues, tearing Severus' robes open with his hand.
Severus' heartbeats speeds up and it takes all of his control not to move as the cold air of the night comes in contact with his sweaty, exposed body. Potter's nails trail over his chest, razor sharp, making him shiver with dread.
Severus is choking in his fear, hyperventilating. He's going to die tonight. Or worse, he's going to become a werewolf, Potter's werewolf, another one of his pack, forced to obey him for the rest of his existence. A strangled sound escapes his throat as he feels Potter's callous fingers stroke his limp cock.
May 29 2004, 14:44:58 UTC 8 years ago
Fic: Test 35 (Part 2/2)
'You smell of fear, Snape. I like it,' Potter whispers in a rough voice next to his ear. 'You taste like fear, too. Intoxicating,' he continues, licking his face. 'So Professor, which is going to be? Do you want to be my whore tonight? Or a werewolf forever? One way or another I'm going to fuck you. I just want to know if I should mind the teeth.''Mind the teeth,' Severus says, closing his eyes, trying to ignore what's happening to him.
'Tell me, Severus. I may call you Severus now, right? You are in no position to protest. You are in no position to do anything but what I tell you. Lovely name that. Severus, the whore. Severus, Harry Potter's bitch. Say it, Severus. Tell me what you are,' Potter says, speeding up the strokes of his hands.
Severus hates himself, hates the way his body is reacting to Potter's ministrations even though he doesn't want to. He knows is a natural physical response. He's done it countless times to Death Eater's victims, but he never imagined it would feel this disgusting, this humiliating. He bites back a sob, not wanting to give Potter the pleasure of his tears in top of everything else.
Potter laps at his neck and his teeth close softly over Severus' jugular. The pressure of the bite increases with every passing second and Severus knows that if he doesn't answer soon Potter is going to break the skin. He's terrified. He could cope with being anything, becoming anything, but not a werewolf, never a werewolf.
'A whore,' he says, with a broken sob, utterly humiliated. 'A whore,' he repeats louder. 'A whore,' he screams and wakes up, panting, Potter's haughty laugher still echoing in his head.
Severus staggers to the bathroom in the darkness of his room and throws up what's left of his meal. He lies there for a while, sobbing brokenly, gasping for air. His nightgown clenches to his sweaty body like ghost hands and Snape rips it away in a fit of fury. He leans against the wall, not sure if his legs can support him yet.
After a while he straightens up and walks to his desk. He lightens the candles in the room and conjures a cup of tea before sitting down. Opening a journal titled "Experimental Potions" he starts writing with slight trembling fingers:
Test 35
The subject's suppressed sexual fantasies were not revealed during the potion induced dream as intended. The test will be repeated in seven days using a more diluted concentration of asphodel root. Effects caused by current dosage include but are not limited to...
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A/N: If I don't get at least 20 reviews I will not continue this and you will never find out about Sheilla Charming, the best Potions mistress in the world that comes to help Snape to develop his potion.
May 29 2004, 16:29:51 UTC 8 years ago
Re: Fic: Test 35 (Part 2/2)
Oh, good one :) And a nice solution to the special werewolf!Harry. But I could live without getting to know more about Sheilla Charming ;)8 years ago
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May 29 2004, 15:34:24 UTC 8 years ago
Summary: HP/SS Snape decids he want's tomove to teh country and rise cows wif his luvor harry (who is now 6 foot wif pink hair, like tonks but not tonks ok?) this is really bad i hate it. RAED AND REVUE!!!!!
Summary written by:
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Slash and het, flames will be used to GILL UR NTOLERANT ASS!ONEONEONEONE
Word count: 593
"Idiot boy," Snape whispered and squeezed Harry's hand under the table.
"Greasy git."
The Potions Master grinned and tried to let go of Harry's hand, but Harry held on. He knew what Snape would be squeezing instead if he did, and there was only so much he was willing to do for Dumbledore.
"Severus, Hagrid is leaving in a minute," Dumbledore warned.
Snape sighed and left the Headmaster's office with a last lingering look on Harry.
"Please tell me you have found something. Anything," Harry begged. "I'm willing to resurrect Voldemort so you can find out what he did, just make it stop!"
"They are just looking today," Dumbledore comforted, "Severus wants you to come along when the cows are chosen."
"No! No cows! No farm!"
"Now, now, cows may not be as bright as pigs, but -"
"No Polyjuicing me into Tonks so I can care for him without Skeeter nosing around! No appealing to my sense of duty! No reminding me he took the curse meant for me! I'm 22! I should be traveling! Partying! Sleeping around! Not trying to hold my former, amorous Potions master at arms length! Mphgh!" Harry gulped and choked on the lemon drop Albus had somehow levitated into his mouth.
"I think you should try ecology," Dumbledore said.
"And this is Blossom and Buttercup, and this is Milky Way." Snape looked pleased with himself for coming up with the last name.
Harry - now with breasts, pink hair, and the foul taste of Polyjuice in his mouth - gave the spotted cow a blank look.
"And over there, the one with the bended horn, that's Bingo the Bull, and to the right it's Hotstuff, Jingels, and Popsickle. Come, I have a surprise for you!" Snape grabbed him by the hand and dragged him along.
When Harry saw the goat, he just knew it would be named Horny, but he couldn't find it in him to rename the poor creature.
The only good thing was that Snape was very understanding about Harry's wish to 'take it slow'. Unfortunately, one of the only remaining Snape-traits was a willpower strong enough to make Bingo cower in a remote corner of the stable after he had broken out and trampled the herb garden. Harry's new gender made no difference, and he was still being courted around the clock. Flowers would be placed on the table by his bed, delicious food was available at all times, and when four weeks had passed, a potion to ease the pains was discreetly put by his plate in the morning. And then there was the endless stream of compliments and questions and conversations and attempts at improving the taste of Polyjuice and small, almost innocent touches. In the end Harry threw up his arms and screamed that he thought Snape preferred males.
"I prefer you, Harry."
Snape 1, Harry 0.
A cold December evening Harry found Snape unconscious on the steep road leading up to the main door. Several gaily wrapped parcels were strewn around him and the pool of ice he had slipped on. All of the parcels had notes reading 'To Harry, from Sev'.
Harry fell asleep beside Severus' bed, and somehow he never made it back to his own bed in the nights that followed.
It was several years later Harry noticed that the curse had worn off. When he pointed it out, Sev told him he hadn't been drinking Polyjuice in the last two years. Then they returned to argue over whether to name the newly born calf Bingosson or Rocky.
May 29 2004, 15:59:24 UTC 8 years ago
I managed to hold it together until I read this line. Very funny!
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May 29 2004, 15:41:34 UTC 8 years ago
well, that was cathartic
Title: Muggles Can Do Magic Too!!! Its Muggle Magic !!!Summary: OMG why do HAgrid and Hemoine both have frizzy brown hair??!!1111 And who is the mom???!1! R&R!!
Summary written by:
Rating/warnings: XXX for ugly things that happen!!! plus, warning for shared hair care products and spellign!! SEXXXX in the next chpter!!! If u revu this!!!
Olivia Blossom Goldflowerleaf transfered to Hogwarts from regular American schools, which suck and are gay and nobody likes you. Nobody in her regular school knew she was special and had special powers. Then she came to Hogwarts where everyone loved her in all the houses and asked her to be with them in their houses but she choose Griffindore because that is the best. Dracko was sad.
Also she was really pretty with long hair and she wore low-cut jeans instead of baggy robes because they fit her really well and she was thin and pretty. And she could make her eyes any color she wanted and she knew spells to put on makeup right so nobody would laugh about it.
One day Olivia Blossom was looking at her teachers and at the other students and she said “I love you all!” and they said “we love you too!!! 111!!! 1!” but then she said “I have been lookign around and I think if our magic was so great you all would be pretty like Dracko-boy and me and not ugly because you should have spells to fix that. Like why do Hagrid & Hermi have THE SAME HAIR and it isn’t even pretty?”
And they cried and said they had tried to fix it but it didn’t work because the Dork Lord made them all have bad hair days like, forever, except Drako and his family. And so Olivia Blossom Goldflowerleaf gave everyone hugs and said not to cry because her mom could fix any hair because her mom was a great stylist and owned her own salon in her home town which was not in Idaho but in a big city like Omaha.
So Dumby helped her mom come visit on a broom. And her mom came and all her stuff came too by magic, and she fixed everyones hair and makeup so they were pretty too, not pretty like Olivia Goldleafblossomflower but still pretty. Maybe Olivia should be called Mariah, I dont know. And there was wrinkle cream for Magonigal so Snap would love her and not be so mean. And everyone loved her and her mom.
And then it turned out her mom was magic too and she married Dumby and Harry and Ronny loved Mariah but maybe thats the next chapter.
There will be SEX in the next chapter if you liked this!!!!!! So review pleeeeeezzzzzeeeee!111!!!!! but nothing mean cuz I am special. KTHNX!!!
(Reply to this)
May 29 2004, 16:01:49 UTC 8 years ago
Re: well, that was cathartic
:: dies ::oh man, that absolutely rocks! I love the way you kept messing up the Sue's name *g*, and definitely not what I was expecting :)
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May 29 2004, 15:46:37 UTC 8 years ago
Summary: Hary's lsot twin sister Serenity tranfsers over from America to teach DADA. Will she defeat Voldiemort, save Dumblydore and win Snape's hart? CHAP 233 NOW UP. PLZ R/R OR ELSE!!11!
Summary by:
Chapter 233: Snapey reveals his cunning plan, more cunning than the one devised by Voldie-"I am Lord Cunning"-mort. And Serenity finishes her discussion from the previous chapter.
16-year-old Serenity Alouiscious Potter, professor of DADA at Hogwarts, was seated in her favorite place—the large, dark green, velvet armchair in the corner of the bedroom of Severus Antioch Snape.
"So, you see, Severus, that as members of a nihilistic artistic movement, Tzara and Breton were not unlike Dumblydore in that they believed in the power of nonsense to affect reality. In fact, some of them even had opinions on Grindlewald's early subversion of the authorities for his own purposes. For example, Richard Huelsenbeck described the movement as, 'the sun, the egg, the Police of the Police.'"
"Fascinating," drawled Snape, trailing one hand over the side of his dark green, velvet chaise lounge and toying with the thick pile of the carpet. "But honestly, Potter, how will this help you win my hart? That is the object of your being here, after all. Or perhaps that fact has fallen out of your thick American skull…?"
Serenity laughed shortly. "No, Severus, I had not forgotten. My plan is to distract You-Know-Who during the tournament by singing nonsense at him, in the manner I have just described. He will think me mad and lose his concentration." But Snape was shaking his head.
"No, imbecile, that will never work. Have you paid ANY attention to what I've told you? The Dark Lord is already insane, so insanity will not surprise him. No, we need a cunning plan. Let me think."
"But—" Serenity was cut off by Snape's sharply outstretched hand. He gestured for her to remain silent for a few moments longer, then lowered his arm and met her eyes.
"Okay, here's what we'll do. As you know, the beginning of the tournament will find both you and the Dark Lord in place at the bottom of the stairs. When the whistle blows, you'll begin the first leg of the obstacle course. That's the moving stairs hurdles, remember?" Snape paused. "Merlin, I hate having to repeat myself," he muttered, half to himself, then continued. "When you reach the animagus transformation section of the course, that's our chance. Your form, the bald eagle, is a perfect predator for the Dark Lord's snake form. You can simply catch and eat him as you would any meal. You know, do… whatever it is eagles do. I'll make sure no one can interfere. All you have to do is keep up with him until that point, then transform annnnddd… POUNCE!" By now Snape was breathing heavily and more than a little excited. He caught himself before showing any more enthusiasm. "Ahem. And then that's the end of it. Since he won't finish the race, you'll win and can return my hart. I'll ask Hagrid to prepare the deer park at Snape Manor immediately."
"Are you sure this will work?" asked Serenity cautiously.
"Of course it will work!" thundered Snape. "As if you could know better than I, you thick American art historian."
To be continued… R/R or else Bambi might end up at Voldie's house for dinner!!!!
May 29 2004, 21:56:38 UTC 8 years ago
I was wondering when someone was going to do something interesting with the misspellings. *g*
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Anonymous
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May 29 2004, 16:24:53 UTC 8 years ago
1/2
Title: They Eyes of LoveSummary: Melanie Martin wants to know just ONE THING:who is her dad? Sev, Sirius, or Remus? ANd will Harry fall in love w/her b4 its to late? The seer says if he doesn't Voldie will NEVER go away!!1! Fluffy angst.
Summary written by:
Rating/warnings: *sigh* This is rated R,cos Mellie and someone get it on, but jooo dont want me to spoil it, now do you>>>>??????????????? ;) SLASH/HET!!!!!!
Oh, an don't bother me for my typing. cos i'm dyslexic, and i don't have any finger and i have to type wif my toes and teeth. so leave well enough elone, kthnx.
And no worries boutn the length, if you want i write and extra deleted scene for youuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~~****~~~~
Melanie Martin gerw up hating herself. SHe was an oprhan, and she lived in a very seeddie hotel where she did not go to school, but had to clean all the nasty sheets (and curtiand and sofas and carpets... ( :( Is'nt she cute????????????))))
Then one day, the sun shoe for the first time on this seedi hotel in london... Mellie got a letter frum an Owl? She was 16, and had been repressed her whole life, cos they owners of teh hotel were really vagabonde gipsies who had stolen her away from her loving mother whom she wept cascades of salt for everyday. But the smrt Owl found her and gave her a letter.
She could read cos she was super smart, and smei--telepathic, thouh gshe had never ever been to school. This owl was v.v smart and could talk, an he said that she was a Witch!!!!!!!!!11! and that she needed to go to hogswart right away,a nd that she could touch the lettre (was a Partkey!) and cum with him. His name was Buboi, and he was Profs MacGonnigal's owl. (see, she's Athens, annd she had an owl too!! i <3333333 classh of the Titans!!!!11111!!hee! ;))
So Mellie went to Hogwarts and everyoen loved her cos she had v.v long wavy golden hair and she was sooooo super smart n cos she was better than EHrmi1, who everyone hated anyway.
But she wuz stil sad, liek the blue-black blood that floos in her viens and through her bodu/.. Shee started cutting beautiful piccies inot her procelain skin, and harry hated/loved her, cos, he didthe same (cutting is BEAUTIFULLLLLL!!!!!< PEOPLE, YOU NEED TO REALISE THAT IT IS AND LEAVE ME ALONE WITH MY TEARS AND BLOOOOD. Rev or i'll cut summore... :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:())))))))). she had no parants,a dn she thought she culd ask Pofs Snap eif he would help her cos she was a SLYTHERINNNNN!!!!!!!!! WhooHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!1 and he and she wer bothe telepathss.
When she came to him, he crieda singulair tear out of his left pool of silky blackness and told her that he culd not help her, but he wanted too, cos there was a big secret that noone knew and that Dublemdor could tell her the problem. she was shocked to see SNape cry, and she hugged him very tight, and he hugged her too, and she hoped that he was wearing a large belt buckle, cos that wasn't NORMAL.b(it 's for MY BF!!!!! ^^^^^^^^).
So Mellie talkedwith harri, who had no parents either, and they cried together, and cut each other in exactsy. and thir red an blue-black blood mixed,a nd then harry ran away cos mellie was too much for him. she was heartbroken and all she now wanted was fir Harrys love, cos she loved him and she wanted to help him.
~~~~****~~~~
Dumbly and McGonniggle were talkin g in very husehd tones.
McGonnigel said that she wantwd to se mellie happy like she used to be, and dubmeldore sayd that he'd ask Sybilll to see her. MgCinogle sed shed owl Remmy ans Siri, who weere livingtogether in a flat abd shagging wildly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111
May 29 2004, 16:25:39 UTC 8 years ago
2/2
~~~~****~~~~Siblyll Treelawnie was waiting in her pink poffy paradies of power. It was cloes to midnight, and Mel was supposed to be cummingnright now. she wuz under hypnoses. but oh no!!!! she bumped her hed on the way up and fell in a coma!!!!!!!!!!!!! mdme poppy said shed need to rest or die, so all the teachers were in there and so were Siria nd remmy who were attackeing each other in mad, mad, gay!lust.
Sybll sayd 'she must not die beofe harri poter falls in love withnher and kisses her or the Dork Lord VOLDIE will kill us all!!!!! COs she's the one he really wants, coshe's madly in lust w/her!!!!' in a low grubly voice of true profesie.
'mmmmmmff' said Siri, who was currently occupied with othr matters, and Remmy sayd harder.
Everyion egnored them, cos they were ment for eachother.
Harry waw watching from a secrit hiding place under a bed, and aside from learning some new method frum his godfather, he learned that he had to lov Melaine. He resolved to do so but he was so very weak of heaart. Could he do it?
SUDDEN LY!!, Mel begain glowing bright as the sun through rain in all the colours of everything and she woke up and said who's may daddy?
And Snape cried again and said 'I'm your mommie!!!!! and hugged her. and Remmi and Sireous said that they'd both impregnated snape together, so she had 3 fthers!!!!!!! And they got out a foto album and harry rushed from the bed and fuked Mellie senseless ad Voldie croaked ded, and the world was happy.
~~~~FIN~~~~
You like?!?!?!??!?!!?! R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 29 2004, 20:34:57 UTC 8 years ago
Re: 2/2
My brain just exploded. I would leave a review, but I have to clean up this mess first. And it's not easy, because I can't stop laughing in appalled wonder at your, erm, masterpiece.TerrificTerrible job!8 years ago
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May 29 2004, 16:33:48 UTC 8 years ago
(I am so blaming Tinderblast)
Title: Celebration! (with thanks to Kool and the Gang for the title)Summary: Hogwarts has been turned into a giant rollerdisco! B there or B square!!!
Summary written by:
Rating/warnings: Aren't the instructions for the Summary Suckathon challenge warning enough? *g*
*****
The party to celebrate the final defeat of 'He Who Can Now Be Named, But Why Bother' was in full swing at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. A huge mirror-ball that had been charmed to reflect not only images but also sounds was magically levitated above the students' heads, Hagrid's half-brother Grawp was the DJ [A/N: now it's a real "giant rollerdisco" LOL!!!], and everybody was having a great time.
Well. Almost everybody.
"Now, now Severus," Albus Dumbledore said with a smile, his blue eyes twinkling over his half-moon spectacles, "surely it's not as bad as all that."
"Not all that bad???" shrieked Severus Snape, the Potions Master, his eyes flashing dangerously. "Not all that bad??? I'm flat on my arse in front of my colleagues and students and wearing a shiny fuschia jumpsuit. How can you say it's not all that bad????"
Minerva McGonagall traded an amused glance with the headmaster, then looked down at her fallen colleague. "It could be worse, Severus."
"Worse!!! How could it be worse???"
"The trousers you're wearing - and you know, it's your own fault that the pair you transfigured were so . . . form-fitting - they could have split down the backside, I suppose. That would be worse, now, wouldn't it?"
A fiery blush blazed across the Potions Master's normally sallow cheeks, and he looked away.
"Oh, for Circe's sake, Severus," Minerva clucked impatiently. "You are a wizard, you know."
She reached down into the hidden pocket of her knee-high, white patent-leather boots and pulled out her wand.
"Trousero Repairo!" [A/N: I don't think that's a real spell, but you know what I mean. LOL!!]
Professor Snape wriggled a bit, then carefully reached one hand underneath his bum to make sure McGonagall had done her job. He breathed a sigh of relief. He'd already had one set of underpants revealed to all and sundry at this blasted school, and he didn't want it to happen again. Somehow he was certain that it would be even more humiliating if anyone discovered his secret predilection for Eeyore-themed underwear [A/N: I've set up a yahoogroups poll. Vote for whether you think Snapey would be wearing Eeyore boxers or Eeyore briefs. LOL!!!!]
The Headmaster smiled. "Now, if we've . . . covered everything, my boy, perhaps you'd return to your chaperoning duties."
Snape looked away again and muttered something under his breath.
"What was that, Severus? I'm afraid I couldn't quite make out what you said over the music. My goodness . . 'Funkytown' is certainly a lively number, isn't it?"
"I said that I can't stand up. These idiotic . . . why would Muggles want to wear wheels on their feet? Surely it makes it impossible for them to do their jobs, to say nothing of . . . "
Whatever Snape was going to say was cut off by the sound of giggling behind him. He groaned. Hermione Granger. Of course. Could this night get any worse?
"Sorry to interrupt, Sir, but most Muggles don't wear skates when they work. They're just for fun, although there are some professions which . . ."
"Ten points from Gryffindor for telling me more than I wanted to know about Muggles," he snarled. "Now . . . piss off."
"Severus!" Minerva huffed. "Language!
Dumbledore gave his Potions Master a disappointed look, then smiled at Hermione. "Miss Granger, perhaps you should rejoin your friends on the dance floor." [A/N: No, Jordan, this is not going to be one of those gross SS/HG stories, even if it is your birthday! Yuk!!! LOL!!!]
"Yes, ma'am," Hermione sniffed, then skated off in the direction of Grawp.
(Too long...continued in the next post *g*)
May 29 2004, 16:43:55 UTC 8 years ago
Re: (I am so blaming Tinderblast)
'He Who Can Now Be Named, But Why Bother'Hehehehe, I'd love you if I wasn't coughing so hard *g*
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May 29 2004, 16:37:27 UTC 8 years ago
"Celebration" continued!
After she was gone, the Headmaster waved his own wand over Snape. "Magister Leviosa" [A/N: That's a real spell, right? LOL!!!] he said, and in a flash, Snape was back on his
feetwheels.All at once the Great Hall became strangely quiet. Where was the music?
The mirrorball-amplified sound of Grawp's voice shattered the silence. "Erevoks Herm! Ogg Lzzoo Dzhonnnnn! Grrrraaaazzz"
The crowd turned toward Grawp, but Hagrid stepped in front of his brother.
"Sorry abou' tha' everyone. He's still havin' a bi' of trouble with English, like. Wha' he was tryin' to say was that a secret somebody'd asked him to dedicate this nex' song to Professor Snape. So . . here's Olivia Newton John with . . . " He squinted at the parchment in his hands. "Oh, there, I can see it now! It's the Grease mega-mix!"
The students burst into laughter, but everyone could still hear Hagrid's booming voice over the sounds of laughter. "Was tha' alright, Hermione? Oh, oh . . . I shoudn've said your name, should I?"
[A/N: I'm stopping here because I ran out of ideas and I have to study for an Algebra test. But if you want to help with the next bit, let me know. I'm Dracoslut69 on YIM and Harryslut69 on AIM]
May 29 2004, 16:42:17 UTC 8 years ago
Re: "Celebration" continued!
I'm voting for the briefs. For sure!8 years ago
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May 29 2004, 16:37:28 UTC 8 years ago
Shup U Ass
Title: Shup U AssSummary: ok so in this fic *NO LEMME TELL IT* shup draco #
YEH SHUP U ASS# harry butt out #IM NOT HARRY IM RON# sorry
u got undies over yer face, r those ginnys? #UM…# *SON U GOT A
PANTY ON UR HED!* draco u crack me up!
Summary written by:
Rating/warnings: Uhmmm....R? *giggles* they like do it, slash en stuff! This is muh first fic so R&R PPL!!!PLEEZZEE!!!
So like it wuz teh first day of classes at Hogwartz and their wuz Ron and Draco sittin' in teh Great Hall like they owned the place. Cept see Draco wuz callin Ron 'Harry' cuz he wuz in lurve with Harry and couldn't see who wuz sittin nexta him.
"IM NOT HARRY IM RON"
"Sorry u got undies over yer face, r those ginnys? sick man....feckin sick"
"UMMM"
"SON U GOT A PANTY ON UR HED!
"Draco u crack me up!"
"No, see I'm serious, you got panties on yer head. You been doin yer sister? WTF mate??"
Draco took teh panties off Ron's head and started snogging him real good.Then Harry came into teh Great Hall and saw them lip lockin and was like:
"WTF????"
But they ignored him and stuff cuz they was snogging and it felt good. Draco was soooo hard and Ron was ready to go so they just did it right ter on the table!! and Harry was all like:
"OMG WTF guys??? I want some too"
So Harry got in on teh action and they got cum all over teh table and Dumbledore wasn't happy bout it.
He like so gave them detention and stuff.....but when he left them alone in teh dark forest they just started shagging again cuz they were so hot an ready.
THE END!!!!!!!!! R&R for more OMG WTF?!?!?!?!
May 29 2004, 16:47:35 UTC 8 years ago
Re: Shup U Ass
"OMG WTF guys??? I want some too"BWAHAHAAHA!! Classic. Well done!
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May 29 2004, 16:37:49 UTC 8 years ago
Hilary Duff Stuff + Hogwarts = A Story Like No Other!
Title: An American Transfer Student At HogwartsSummary: Ohmigod! Like, Harry and Draco are totally hot for the new American student - shes the only one for one of them! Who?! I wrote this b/c my best friend said shed luv me 4ever! Please R/R or I will die!!!!
Summary Written By:
Ratings/Warnings: Rated H for HOT American Girl
Chapter 1: Sandra D
Sandra Belinda Mystiie Dennis (A/N This is you! BFF4EVA!1!) arrived at Hogwarts from America one day. She sauntered in to the Great Hall one morning, swaying her hips and strutting her American stuff. She wore low-riding blue jeans that flared out perfectly over her brand new, bright pink Sketchers and a baby blue Stuff by Duff TShirt cropped to display her belly button ring.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were eating lunch at the Gryffindor table and Draco, with his minions, Crabbe and Goyle, were eating lunch at the Slytherin table when she walked in.
Harry’s jaw dropped and the pancake he had been chewing fell out of his mouth onto the table. “Ew, gross,” said Hermione. Draco, who had been sipping on some pumpkin juice, spit the juice all over Crabbe and Goyle. They were both flabbergasted by the great American beauty that just entered into their presence.
Both Harry and Draco leapt out of their seats and ran over to Sandy. They glared at each other before asking her name.
“You can call me Sandy,” she purred.
“Uh…high Sandy,” drooled Draco. He sniffed deeply and enjoyed the minty yet fruity fresh scent of her perfume.
Harry was made speechless by the sound of her voice.
Chapter 22: Your the one that I want!
Sandy had been going to Hogwarts for 3 months now. Everyday Draco and Harry fought over her. Harry had an easier time vying for her attention as Sandy had been sorted into Gryffindor. That didn’t stop Draco from lusting after her, though. He was convinced she was the one for him!
That evening after class, Sandy decided to go for a stroll in the Forbidden Forest. Her BFF from America was Bane the Centaurs penpal so she would not be harmed for entering the forest. She put on her tightest robes and some high heeled boots and went for a walk.
Harry followed her under the Invisibility Coat and tried to be as quiet as possible when he followed her, which was hard, because she was so hot that every time he saw her he felt all tingly inside and she made him breathe really heavily. He finally took his hand out of his pocket and put it over his mouth so she wouldn’t hear him.
When they got to the Forest, Harry saw that Draco was there too!
“What the hell!” he shouted loudly. “Malfoy, she’s mine!” Harry threw the Divisibility Cloak to the ground, revealing his muscular form and spiked, raven, black, messy hair to Sandy. His penetrating green eyes started at her across the dark expanse of the night
Sandy turned and smiled at Harry. “Harry, hi!” she said, smiling.
“But Sandy!” demanded Draco in a demanding voice.
Sandy turned her shining smile and bright blue-green-violet eyes (A/N She has majikcal contact lenses!1!) on Draco. “Hi, Draco!” she said, giggling.
Harry was SO SO MAD! “This has to stop, Sandy! You got to choose one of us! We can’t go on like this!”
“For once I agree with you, Potty, Sandy. You have to pick me.”
“Pick you!” snorted Harry. “Pick me, is more like it!”
Sandy stood and watched the boys argue.
“Puhlease, will you both shut up!” she shout.
They shutted up right away.
“We’re sorry, Sandy,” mumbled an apologetic Draco.
“Yeah,sorry,” Harry muttered regretfully.
“I will choose which one of you I love and merry and have children with. You will live in America with me and we will have 3 puppies. With ribbons. They will be yellow puppies.”
“Hurry it up,” said Draco derisively. “It’s cold out.”
Sandy continued talking as if Draco hadn’t spoken. “And we will have a kitten named Thimbles. Okay, I think that’s it. I’m ready to choose.”
Harry and Draco waited in the dark forest, holding their breathes. This was the moment they were waiting for.
Sandy took a deep breath before announcing, “I choose you-”
The end..or IS IT?!1!
Review and I’ll tell you who she chooses! I won’t tell until I get at least 44 reviews!
May 29 2004, 22:22:57 UTC 8 years ago
Re: Hilary Duff Stuff + Hogwarts = A Story Like No Other!
Please let it be the end! Er, I mean PLZ RITE MOR, of course *ahem*8 years ago
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May 29 2004, 16:40:58 UTC 8 years ago
Summary: is draco really the last of the water nympths? can he live with it? what if his g/f (hermoine) finds out male nymphs bare children? what will luscious say??? the ending will make u cry. mpreg. R&R or else!!!!!!
Summary written by:
Rating/warnings: If you're here, you know what you're getting into…
"Miss Granger."
"Mr Malfoy."
"Let me see if I understand this correctly. Draco tells me you have discovered that he is the last in a rare bloodline of water nymphs?"
"Yes, the Hydra Nymphadela, they are often encountered in mediterranean waters, and the females are often confused with the mermaids or Hydra Ocea--"
"Even though you would think I or his mother might have mentioned this to him at some point before he reached the age of thirty two?"
"Old families often have dark secrets."
"Indeed. Furthermore, after the consummation of your… relationship, Draco now informs me that he is… with child. Is that correct?"
"It's a little known fact, only mentioned in 'Really Rare Magical Sea Creatures – An Exceptionally Dull Reference Book' that water nymphs repro—"
"And this happy news I assume, is the reason my son, after fits of hysterical screaming and enough curses to take the hide off a house elf, has at long last asked my permission to marry?"
"He'll need a lot of special care. I'm an expert."
"You certainly are. Welcome to the family, my dear."
May 29 2004, 20:12:18 UTC 8 years ago
good one!
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May 29 2004, 16:51:32 UTC 8 years ago
Sarah Potter and the Bad Harry: 1/2
Titel: Sarah Potter and the Bad HarrySummerry: Hary Poter has a sister wich he never met befor name Sarah Potter. Hary fals in luv with her and gets her pregnent with his child. Wat's Hary to do? This storie contains het which means that girls like boys.
Summary written by:
Rating: R (Mebbe NC17, if u R&R!!11 Wont be NC17 if I dont get enuff revues!1 LOLZ)
Word Count: 705 including headers.
A/N: This is mi firts fic, ok?! So’z, R&R PLz, or i wont rite mor!!1 tell me wut u think shuld happen, okie?!?1 Lolozls PS: SARAH POTTER IZ NOT A MARY SUE!11 (Wuts a Mary Sue, newayz?! LolZ)
Hary followed Sarah to teh Prefect’s bathroom. Even though hary wuzn’t a prefect, Sarah still broght him in there. One in there, Sarah pushed Hary up against the wall and kissed him feiorusly (A/N: LOL! This Is why Sarah’s animaguz iz a TIGER! RAWR! Hehehehe)
“Oh my gawth, Hary. I want tos crew u so bad!11 Hehehe,” Sarah said ruffly.
All Hary culd do wuz maon in response. So, Sarah jus nibblde on his neck and pulled his hare a bit. (A/N: OmG! Ruff sex0rz lololol.)
In teh next mommten, Hary wuz rappin his legz rond Sarah’s waste and wuz thrasting hiz large hard cock againz her tummy and still maongin.
Sara stoped movin for a minute and pushed Hary away. Slowly, she did a strip teaze, and then doved into teh big poll-like tub. Hary starred before jus jumping in after her, clothes n all still on. Then he stared to sink.. Quickly, Sarah pulled all his cloth off, so he wuz nekkie 2/.
Teh y srarted to rub on ach other agin n then they srtarted to hav sex0rz. N it wuz god. Rilly fantabulousousous.
Hary wuz pants and Sarah wuz maoning agin & it was reverting off teh wallz so much taht it scurred the mermiad away. And, that wuz how Hary broken Sarah cherry. (A/N: LOL Sarah iz no vergin NEMORE!!11 slut!11 lololololz)
A/N: OmG R&R, plzkthnx!11 Tell me wut u think needz to happen!11
Snap gilded into Dumbleydor’s orifice to sea Hary & Sara sat there at teh desk. Falkes wuz nuzzleing Sarah’s face, bcuz he wuz on her arm (A/N: Aww!11 Phalkes lieks Sarah so much even AFTER she tryed to kell him!1)
“Wut iz it, Professer Snap?” Dumbledoor axed imediately, wit that horrid eye twitch ppl (A?N: LIEK JKR!11) call a twinkel.
“Well, Headmaster. It appears that.. Sarah Potter has a bit of a secret here. More than one, actually,” he said, with a turn towards Sarah.
She then blinked owlishly.
“Wutevah do u meen, Sevvie?” she enquired, batting her lashes.
“You would do as well to tell Mr. Potter yourself, Miss Potter,” he returned, clearly getting annoyed.
SHe was silento for a momento, b4 answeiring.
“Hary. I am.. preggers.”
Silence.
May 29 2004, 16:52:12 UTC 8 years ago
Sarah Potter and the Bad Harry: 2/2
“What?! WE ONLEE HAD SEX0RZ ONCE! NI THE PREFECT BATHROOM!OMGWTFETHBBQ!1//?!”
“There’s something else, Headmaster. I do believe you know that of which I speak,” Snape intoned huskily.
Eye still twitching, Dumbledor, turned back to Sara. “Well?”
“TERE’S MOR?!?1/1 SARAH WHAT THE BLODDY ARSE ARE U GONNA TOLL ME kNOW?!11”
She bared her face in her hands befor answeirng.
“I’m ur long lsot sister, Haru.”
This is the point in which Hary passede teh hell out. (A/N: OMG I bET u DINNT eXPeCT ThAT, RITE/?1?11 LOLOLOZ)
After teh babe wuz borned, Haru wne t in 2 seas Sara & teh baeby. Teh bae wuz all rapped in a griffindore blanket & wuz drunkin from Sarah’s bewbies. Haru wuz soooo ahppey that teh burthing went wellz.
*Sigh*
“I am so glad u r ok, sarah,” he whispered quietly b4 dropopng a snog on her forehed. (A/N: THAT WUZ PASTEDE ON YAY!11 Bwhahahahaha >.>)
“Wut shuld we nam teh baby, Haru? I leik the nam.. Sevvie. Don u?” she enquiried.
“I dun kno if i want a son/nephew (A/N: Will now be called Sonphew!1 LOLOLZ!1 *teehee*) wit teh same name as teh grezy git!”
So, Sarah pooted an wuz all liek, “But, Hareh!”
So’z, tehy namede him Sevvie an than they left Hogwarz earlier then evry1, even Hermi.
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May 29 2004, 16:55:32 UTC 8 years ago
summary: Moor-odders story: Reemus is a lose canon. Will Searus win back his luv, or will he loose him 4eva? Sligh OOC
Summary written by:
"REemus!!!!!" Searus cooed.
"What?" he snapped. "If you're going to get me back to your smelly dirty bed, you aren't going to succeed, you flea-bitten cur!" Reemus spat.
"But doncha love my "cannon"? I mean, I know you lose yours, but I still have mine." Searus wriggled his eye brows. “and it’s big…. Very big…”
“How dare you insinuated that I… I…”
Searus ignored Reemus and began to undress, letting his dear beloved sweet gentle Reemus take a fill of his body. His neck, his torso, his unshaved armpits, his bellybutton, and finally… FINALLY his mighty weapon, his pride, his jewel, and his most prized possession which poor Reemus had lost long time ago. (why? Some potions accident, of course. You see, Reemus deflower Snape but snape don’t like it so he makes some potion. What potion? It is castracus potion, a potion to destroy your mightiest weapon, which is more complicated than wolfbane, which can only brewed by virgin potion master… anyway, where am I? back to the story…..)
Reemus stared at Searus… and then he…
TBC
A/N: hehehe. Cliffhanger. Doncha wanna know what happen next? I’ll continue this fic if I got 25 reviews, so R and R!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO FLAMES PLSSSS!
(EWWW, i can't believe what I've written!!)
May 29 2004, 20:58:05 UTC 8 years ago
I LOVE your cannon metaphor! I am an extremely happy woman right now. And I am praying very hard that you get your reviews so that you will continue!!
*still giggling madly*
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May 29 2004, 17:17:01 UTC 8 years ago
Part one of three
Er, it got a little long. *sheepish grin* It's around 1200 words. Please don't kill me. You know I have trouble keeping things short."Hung Like A Horse"
Summary: Hagwarts has a PEEPPING TOM an no one fels safe in teh dorms anymor. But whart hapens when the Peeper pokes his wicked eye into the wrong place?! CAOS!!!LOL! pls r&r, and there's a pony!!2!
Summary courtesy of
Rated R for general rampant perversion and implied bestiality
###
"Uh, Neville?"
Neville looked up from what he was doing. "Do you need something, Harry?"
Harry only stared for a moment. He, curled up with Ron on the Common Room couch (in a somewhat, er, incriminating manner), lifted an eyebrow. Ron coughed, and shifted so his legs got even more tangled with Harry's.
"Why have you got a pony?" Harry asked.
"You're not putting that thing in my bed, mate," Ron said. "I'm still cleaning up after Hedwig last night."
"What are you talking about?" Harry said. "What did Hedwig do? I thought that mess was from your elbow on the lu--"
Harry stopped. He blinked at the sudden, interested silence in the crowded Common Room.
"His elbow on the what?" Colin Creevey asked. He snapped a photo of Ron and Harry tangled on the couch. Ron threw his arms over his face. "Lutefisk?"
"Uhh... yeah, Colin." Harry coughed into his fist. "Ron was teaching me about Vikings."
"I'll say," Ron said under his breath.
"What was that?"
"Nothing, Colin."
"That's not what it sounded like. It almost sounded like--"
A scream sent Colin teetering off the back of his ottoman. He rolled about like a turtle on its back, waving his camera-fillled hands in the air. From the girls's dorm, fifteen naked girls flooded in, dripping wet, thin towels just clinging to the fronts of their bodies. Colin came to his senses just in time to snap a picture. Another scream, this one louder, rose up, and one of the wet towels landed on his head. Ginny hid behind Lavender.
"Someone was watching us!" Hermione said. She shifted her arm so her towel covered more of her breasts. Her hair lay plastered to the back of her neck, and her nipples seemed to be doing a fair job of holding the towel on their own. The towel draped down between her legs like a Baroque painting.
"Uh, yeah," Ron said. He swallowed. "And, believe me, we appreciate the view.
Hermione put a fist on her hip. "That's not what I meant, Ron. There was somebody watching us in the shower!"
"Why were you all in the shower together?" Harry asked.
Hermione turned pink, as did most of the rest of the girls. Ginny snickered and put her hand on Lavender's stomach; Lavender slapped it away. "Uh," Hermione said, glancing around. Her eyes stopped on Neville's pony. "Neville? Why have you got a pony?"
"Leave me alone! What have you all got against ponies?"
"You're not putting it in Ron's bed, are you? He's still cleaning up the lube... um... the lubriette crumbs."
"What's a lubriette?" Parvati asked.
"Bread. It's Swedish."
Harry snorted. Hermione gave him a look. "Go shag your boyfriend some more."
cont...
May 29 2004, 17:17:59 UTC 8 years ago
Part two of three
###The backup mechanism, he decided, had been a very, very good idea. True, he was incorporeal and would likely need years to gain even a proper shape (unless a suitable host body showed itself), but at least he had eyes now. And hands. And, er, other bits. Overall, though, he was quite pleased with the way his diary had worked out.
The Gryffindors were nestled, all snug in their beds. Well, not really. Two of them - a red-headed chap and... goodness, Harry Bloody Potter - were locked in a rather hushed and sweaty embrace. Their silhouettes showed on the drawn bed-curtains thanks to a rather powerful Lumos.
"Shh!" the red-headed chap said. He clapped a hand over Potter's mouth. "Stop complaining, or you can get yourself off!"
"Ron!" Potter pushed the red-headed chap's hand away. "For god's sake. You're not upset that she outed us?"
"We already knew," came a sleepy voice from the other side of the room.
"Shut up, Dean!" Potter said. "Ron, now look at what you've done."
"You mean this?" Ron thrust his hips. Potter threw his head back and made a noise that, in any other situation, would have meant the oxygen levels were too low. He seemed too preoccupied to notice should any interested parties come forward. So one did, very grateful he was still difficult to see in low light.
"Ungh," Potter said. "Right there. Oh, geez, Ron--OW!" He slapped a hand to his forehead.
"What? What?"
"Stop! Stop! Ow!"
"Come off it, mate. I'm big, but I don't think I'm that big."
"Just shut up and give me a minute!"
"I mean, you've got miles of intestine to get through before I'd get anywhere near your forehead--"
"Off me, you prat!" Potter shoved his paramour back on the bed. "It's my bloody scar!"
"Oh, Hell." Ron gripped his hair.
"Why'd you stop?" came a thick Irish voice.
"Shut up, Seamus. It's Harry's scar."
"I was enjoying that!"
"You weren't supposed to know about it!"
"Right, mate. And I reckon you thought you two were being quiet?"
"All right. That's it." The curtains were thrust open. Six feet plus of skinny, gangly, seething redhead stormed out and wrenched open another set of curtains. He dragged out a boy with brown hair, whose equipment swayed and bobbed through the fly of his pyjamas in a similar way to Ron's own. Their visitor settled back to enjoy what looked to be a smashing good time.
cont...
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May 29 2004, 17:27:40 UTC 8 years ago
Hagrid/Lucius - Of Ravens and Romeos
Title: Of Ravens and RomeosSummary:Luscious and his husband Haggers have a secret, but the Dork Lard knows. Can Luschus save him and Haggards unborn child? How can American beauty Mysty Starlite help (she's not a Mary Sue, guys, sheesh!)? -
NC-17 mpregg
[As the war for Wizarding World Domination continued, it became obvious that witches and wizards alone would not be enough to win. Both sides scrambled to seduce to their side the non-human magical elements of the Wizarding World.
The Gringotts goblins remained fiercely neutral, determined to make a galleon off both sides whatever the outcome. The centaurs of the Forbidden Forest killed any wizard or witch on sight; even Albus Dumbledore had barely escaped his attempt at reconciliation. The 'Dobby-Granger' House-Elf movement met with fierce resistance from traditionalist Elder Elves. Voldemort's bid for immortality disgusted the vampires, and they remained elusive to summoning spells from both sides.
It would all depend on which side could convince the werewolves and giants to join with them. The treatment the Ministry had given these creatures, gave Voldemort something of an advantage. However, it was the Order who had emissaries with the best chance to be heard: Remus Lupin and Rubeus Hagrid. Voldemort ordered two of his most loyal Death Eaters to seduce these emissaries so for the cause.]
Lucius Malfoy looked once again at the name on the piece of parchment, and then at the squat hut in front of him. The Dark Lord had appointed Lucius and Severus as Ravens and Bellatrix as Swallow, then left it to the three of them to determine who got to seduce who. Given that their prospective targets were Potter, Lupin and Hagrid, the three of them had decided that drawing lots would be the only way to decide things. Severus drew Harry Potter, Bellatrix Remus Lupin. And here stood Lucius Malfoy, at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, gathering up the mental resolve to seduce Hogwarts' half-giant groundskeeper.
Bellatrix had failed at her task: Lupin turned out to be queer as a two-bit bob. Severus’ attempt to slip Potter an aphrodisiac had backfired; Potter had ended up banging a pair of Ravenclaw/Gryffindor twins, got them pregnant, and was now bonded to the both of them. The pair of witches had included so many vows of fidelity in their nuptials the poor boy was incapable of even looking at another woman. Lord Voldemort had not been pleased, to say the least, and Lucius only hoped that Hagrid liked blonds.
[Much to Lucius' chagrin, Hagrid played hard to get. It turned out Hagrid did like blonds, but he insisted on 'doin' it proper like. Ye've got ta make an 'onest man o' me, Luschus, or what kinda giant would I be? Me mam 'n da were married, and I promised me da' I'd wait.'
So Lucius divorced Narcissa, and they were wed at Malfoy Manor in a private ceremony by the Dark Lord himself. Hagrid promised to convince his giant brethren to join Voldemort's cause, and Lucius promised to love and cherish Hagrid 'til death did them part. Before Lucius could get sufficiently blotted for the wedding night, Hagrid picked him up and slung him over his shoulder, politefully excused the both of them from their guests, and carried Lucius up the stairs to the bridal suite.]
"Luschus!"
The giant beneath him shuddered and moaned and came. Lucius' prick twitched in sympathy, but it was spent by his previous three orgasms. It lay happily in the sticky evidence and furry hair on Hagrid's belly. Undoubtedly, it would all dry up into some awfully unpleasant affair, but for the moment Lucius couldn't care.
He had been well and truly fucked. For the moment, Lucius was happy to just lie on Hagrid's broad and warm body, rest his cheek on Hagrid's hairy chest, and bask. The half-giant's breathing had fallen into a deep and calm rythm, and his steady heartbeat was lulling Lucius into slumber as well. He still had half of Hagrid's giant cock up his arse, and come was starting to leak out as that powerful prick slowly softened.
This marriage might yet work out, was Lucius last thought as he finally passed out.
May 29 2004, 17:29:08 UTC 8 years ago
Hagrid/Lucius Of Ravens and Romeos part 2
[However, little did Lucius know that Hagrid was a Romeo too. When the Order discovered Voldemort's plans to seduce Hagrid, it was decided that Hagrid would play along. Because the giants refused to talk to anyone but Hagrid, Hagrid was able to convince them to pretend to join the Dark Lord's forces, while actually a deal had been made with the Order. When the time came, they would all turn on the forces of Darkness, causing chaos and mayhem.The plan would have worked perfectly, if not for the fact that Hagrid talked in his sleep. When Lucius overheard this, he was torn between his duty to warn Voldemort, and the prospect of no longer being fucked up the arse daily by a man of Hagrid's perfect proportions. The kindly half-giant had revealed hidden depths to Lucius Malfoy, and Lucius found he could not possibly betray his husband.
When he confronted Hagrid the next day, and swore to remain silent and help Hagrid and the Order in any way he could, the half-giant was overjoyed. He had fallen in love with Lucius, and besides that, never had a better bitch. Dumbledore owed him some favours; Hagrid was confident he would be able to keep Lucius and the Malfoy name safe after the war.]
Lucius and Hagrid were sitting at the breakfast table (Lucius on a pile of pillows after the previous night's rogering: they'd finally managed to get all of Hagrid's cock inside him), when a bird flew through the open window carrying a round shaped package.
Lucius frowned, wondering who would use a stork instead of an owl. Hagrid, however, gasped in surprise before quickly unwrapping what turned out to be a large egg.
"Luschus! Look what the stork brought us: we're goin' ta have a li'l baby all of our own!"
[After he recovered from the shock of hearing that he was going to become a father for the second time, Lucius was overjoyed at this sign of his and Hagrid's love, even if it was a bit freaky that giants and half-giants apparently procreated through eggs delivered by the stork. It could have been worse though, Lucius figured. He could have gotten pregnant.]
Draco Malfoy was not a happy boy. His father had divorced his mother to marry the freak giant who had been responsible for wounding his arm back in third year, and if that wasn't enough, now they were going to have a baby too! His place as the Malfoy heir was in danger.
He knew that Hagrid and his father were keeping the egg a secret from Voldemort so that his freakish brother or sister wouldn't become yet another pawn in the war. Draco pretended to be happy about the unborn baby, and then snuck out of the Manor at midnight to reveal the existence of the egg and his suspicions that his father had turned traitor to the Dark Lord.
[A House-Elf warned Lucius that Draco had left the Manor, and Lucius quickly guessed what his son was up to. He woke Hagrid, and knowing that they had very little time left before the Dark Lord came to try and take their baby away, they cast a powerful spell to hide the egg in the last place anybody would ever look for it. Their child would be safe, until the war was over and they could collect him.]
May 29 2004, 17:54:19 UTC 8 years ago
go to next page for third and final part!
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